Weather you walk your path in total darkness or blazing light you are equally blind. But blend the two into balanced portions and your path becomes much clearer.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Remembering too much

Don't read this, seriously you will most likely find it to be dark and confusing. It doesn't have a happy ending. I wrote and posted this for a personal internal relief.

But who are we fooling, you are human so have a morbid curiosity and will read this anyhow...


Want to be an old soul?

Want to remember clearly the birth and death of countless ages?

Let me give you just a taste

Imagine if you can hear the same words said again and again

Watching others going through the same pains and joys

Like a broken record endlessly repeating... *rathump.. rathump*

Now imagine a dozen spears and swords stabbing into your flesh

Feeling the coldness and weakness quickly taking the life from your body

And now imagine that this feels like the sweetest release

Because the pain and anguish within your heart

Far outweighs the greatest tortures this world can inflict

And you don't understand how this is possible

Because you are merely ten years old and in perfect health

But the pain and torment is very real and there

And yet you still lack the words to express any of it

For you are only thirteen years old

I am now thirty five and still lack the words to properly express

How it feels to see the bloody, mutilated and defiled body of your soul mate

Next to a half frozen stream, in a beautiful snow covered forest

This soul I can clearly remember loving lifetime after lifetime

Age after age...

A soul seeing such a sight, feeling such a sight

Will snap

A screaming wail of madness... of broken despair

Will raise from deep within

Causing one to throw himself at the spears and swords

Of those who have caused such torment

And seek the sweet release of death

So that he may once again be with his love...

Now imagine if after feeling all of this

Having to face the skeptical and confused gazes

Of those you try to express this to

Because none of this happened to you

In this life


  1. Amazing!! What prompted you to write this piece? I have felt a similar languish too often in the last two years, which were the MOST difficult part of my life.. to cause physical harm to myself in order to numb away the unfathomable heart-ache.. the mental pain and the grief. It's over now.. I am glad, but your poem brought back those eerie feelings!! ~Punam

  2. Something I was browsing online triggered the old feeling so I decided to try my hand at expressing the feelings and memories again. Feelings and memories like these have haunted me most of my life, I've gradually learned over the years to deal with them as best as I can.

    When I was a child they were emotionally crippling to the point that for years I did my best to try not to feel at all.

  3. Wow, this is an amazing piece. It sounds as if you ARE an old soul and your psyche remembers things your current day reality has trouble a child, it would be natural to try to numb out as a defense mechanism - I did that myself.

    This is very powerfully written. I hope that on your journey, you can grow ever more comfortable within yourself and can accept the memories of distant pasts as part of your evolutionary history. Meanwhile, treat yourself gently and know All Will Be Well.

  4. everyone has unspeakable emotions..
    no shame, Glad to read and know.

    cool poetry.
    poetry message.

  5. Sherry: Thank you. I have been on a quest recently, I've been searching out all those little numbed out places within myself and bringing them to light. It has been quite fulfilling, I feel stronger after each one.

    Jingle: You are correct, but I don't feel shame anymore, I just wish to accept what I find for what it is and be at peace. Thank you as well.

  6. Intriguing, mind blowing piece-- glad I didn't take your advice not to read it! :)

  7. *chuckle* yea I might have been a bit overzealous with that advice. I wasn't in a very good mood when I wrote it ;)

    Thank you for not listening to my advice and reading it anyhow.

  8. The Moon
    on a cat


    As a native Swede, I am particularly proud of my love poetry suite Sonnets for Katie.

    My Poems

    My wallpaper art Babes!

    Sexuality introduces Death to Being; and indeed Life simultaneously. This is the profound Myth of the Eden. The work of the Serpent. Bringing us out of "blessed" Standstill. So, in contrast to the mindless pietism of vulgar Christianity, my personal "Christo-Satanism" should be given serious thought by the Enlightened Few, the Pneumatics, the 1% Outlaws. The Light Bringer must be rehabilitated, beacause if not, the All of it simply doesn't make sense: true Catholicism is necessarily Meta Catholicism.
    You can NOT enter black hole. It's impossible. This follows immediately from general relativity theory. Proof: for an object moving let' say (along a straight line) towards a black hole, for any arbitrarily chosen distance it has laid behind itself, the reaining distance is ifinite. CHALLENGE! To all physicists,cosmologists and mathematicians of theworld: disprove THIS if you can. I think not. (Even Stephen Hawking failed tho see the obvious!)you can. I think not. (Even Stephen Hawking failed to see the obvious!)

    My philosophy


    Un orage nocturne illmuna maintenant l'Amazonie, franchis les Andes, envoya des jeux de cartes gigantesques et frappantes en bas à la Pampa –

    Puis: petit déjeuner à melon; café fumant!

    À la bague du cigare tu lis, étonné: GÉOGRAPHIE.

    My poetry in French:


    Schwarzes Birne!
    Aufforderung zur Erotik.

    My poetry in German:

    Fremde Gedichte

    And: reciprocity: for mutual benefit, you will do me a favor promoting your own blog on mine!


    - Peter Ingestad, Sweden

  9. Looksfar, I havent seen you posting for a while and came looking. Reading these last couple of postings, I am once again blown away, especially by the old soul memories...........I hope you are doing well and are still writing. Your fans await!:)

  10. Krax: Interesting perspective, I will take a look at your blog soon.

    Sherry: I am doing well but have been very busy with life and haven't had a chance to write much. I'm happy to hear some of my works has lasting appeal. Hopefully I'll have time to write again soon.

  11. Happy Tuesday...
    keep writing,
    keep posting.