Love and Blood

Here's a creepy little poem... maybe it's my Halloween poem or maybe I just want your blood.

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I love you so much

But you make love so hard

I have made so many sacrifices for you

I did not have to make them

But I did and I made them gladly

I made them because I love you

I still love you with all my heart

But I feel I must soon destroy you

Because you give me so little choice

So be warned my beloved

I come for you with teeth and claws bared

I come for your blood

I come because I love you so much

Remembering too much

Don't read this, seriously you will most likely find it to be dark and confusing. It doesn't have a happy ending. I wrote and posted this for a personal internal relief.

But who are we fooling, you are human so have a morbid curiosity and will read this anyhow...

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Want to be an old soul?

Want to remember clearly the birth and death of countless ages?

Let me give you just a taste

Imagine if you can hear the same words said again and again

Watching others going through the same pains and joys

Like a broken record endlessly repeating... *rathump.. rathump*

Now imagine a dozen spears and swords stabbing into your flesh

Feeling the coldness and weakness quickly taking the life from your body

And now imagine that this feels like the sweetest release

Because the pain and anguish within your heart

Far outweighs the greatest tortures this world can inflict

And you don't understand how this is possible

Because you are merely ten years old and in perfect health

But the pain and torment is very real and there

And yet you still lack the words to express any of it

For you are only thirteen years old

I am now thirty five and still lack the words to properly express

How it feels to see the bloody, mutilated and defiled body of your soul mate

Next to a half frozen stream, in a beautiful snow covered forest

This soul I can clearly remember loving lifetime after lifetime

Age after age...

A soul seeing such a sight, feeling such a sight

Will snap

A screaming wail of madness... of broken despair

Will raise from deep within

Causing one to throw himself at the spears and swords

Of those who have caused such torment

And seek the sweet release of death

So that he may once again be with his love...

Now imagine if after feeling all of this

Having to face the skeptical and confused gazes

Of those you try to express this to

Because none of this happened to you

In this life

Dreams

I dream

I dream of a day everyone can be different

I dream of a day no one suffers without reason

I dream of a day we each can look into our personal heart of hearts and feel nothing but love

I dream of a day we can look into each others heart of hearts and feel nothing but
love

I dream of a day we can disagree with each other with acceptance and understanding

I dream of a day that while we may not have all we want, we have all we need

I dream of a day we all no longer punish ourselves with guilt and instead love
ourselves with understanding

For we are all beautiful souls living in the darkness

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I dream the dreams of humanity.

The two become one

At your touch who I was breaths it's last

That ancient part of my soul having fulfilled its purpose gently falls into endless dreams of peace

The trap has sprung, the bait has been eagerly taken

We are reborn never to be the same again

We open our new born eyes and gaze on the graves of who we were

We kneel in respect saying our final goodbyes

As we turn away without a backward glance a new world opens up before us

No longer two broken halves but one harmonious whole

The world changes with our every step

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I wrote this months ago and forgot about it until now. There is a deep and long story behind this which I wrote about in the poem 'The Hope of Love' and several others I haven't posted yet. In fact I'd say this describes a defining aspect of my soul, which I feel the need to write about over and over, trying to get it properly expressed...

Ma'at

As some of you may have guessed I follow the old Kemetic faith, which is what the ancient egyptains followed (Kemetic is not what they called it actually, Kemet is what they called egypt, it translates roughly into black land). This wasn't really a choice of mine, I was called. The defining concept of the ancient egyptian belief could be summed up in the word, Ma'at. A few months back I wrote my interpretation of this concept and I feel like sharing it here.

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What is Ma'at?

Most places you look will tell you it's the ancient egyptian belief of order and truth, but that is actually a bit misleading. Not only doesn't the full meaning of that word really translate into english it doesn't really translate into modern western cultural thought. A closer translation of the idea of Ma'at is 'the way the world should be'. Now confusion and conflict probably fill your head, for there are countless ideas of 'the way the world should be', but that's really not true. The reality is that we all know 'the way the world should be' but we try to know that with the wrong part of ourselves. We try to know with our brains, with our logic, with our intellect... with our emotions.

While I'll be the first to tell you how useful those tools are they will never help you understand Ma'at. To understand Ma'at you have to use that, dusty part of yourself that you probably rarely look at or feed, your heart or soul as it's called in modern times. It's that scary thing deep within yourself that doesn't have any logic, reason or emotion, but instead just 'Knows'. It's that part of you that 'knows' when you're drinking too much during a party, that 'knows' who really is your friend and who isn't, the part of you that 'knows' what you truly need to live a happy and fulfilled life.

Deep down in our heart of hearts we all follow Ma'at. Be we black, white, purple, young, old, tattooed, pierced, gay, straight, Christian, Muslim we all want and need the same thing... to be full and happy in our heart of hearts.

When I see some greedy obscenely rich person who is hording more money, possessions and worldly power than they could ever possibly use in a dozen lifetimes I don't see an evil monster hell bent on world destruction, what I see is someone who isn't getting what they truly need. Their heart 'knows' that money and power isn't what they really need, but while their heart 'knows' they don't know their heart so all they feel is a deep unhappiness which they try desperately to fill with the only thing they will allow themselves to understand...

As long as the world is full of people who refuse to 'know' what their heart knows there will never be peace, there will always be war and there will always be suffering.

I hope this helps.